Crossing the Rainbow
by Ava Telcontar
Summary: In which our heroes encounter protagonists from other fandoms
1. The Nanny

The wind was in the east, it flustered and fussed around the window eaves. DG mixed a dab of gray paint with green. Her art studio was supplied for everything a princess with a talent for art could possibly want.

There were piles of sketches and easels with half finished portraits of her friends and family. One whole wall was taken up with watercolors of the Finaquain countryside. On a side table, cheesecloth covered a mostly done project done with sculpting clay; tiny chibi figurines of herself, Az, Toto and the guys. It was going to be a gift for Az, her sister had laughed herself silly when she saw a sketch of chibi!Glitch.

Ahamo's artistic genes had transferred to each daughter in a different manner. DG had the potential to be a great painter and sculptor, Azkadelia was more inclined towards music and was only just now tentatively contemplating taking up lessons again.

DG's currant subject was the rooftops of Central City as it might be seen by a chimney sweep point of view, things half in shadow and half in light. She began to hum a tune she had once heard as a child as she swept her paintbrush down on the canvas.

A small figure was taking shape in the hazy clouds of sunrise. The silhouette of a woman dressed in long skirts with a flowered hat, holding a bag with one hand, the other holding an umbrella aloft as she floated above the just waking city.

DG grumbled a bit as the quality of the light faded…natural light was always best. Regretfully, she put down for her brush and went to wash up.

DG stopped as she was going to put away some of her supplies, she was always uncomfortable leaving everything for the cleaning staff being raised to clean up after herself.

She regarded the pile of brushes, tea towels, uncapped tubes of paint thoughtfully; DG smiled and snapped her fingers.

Her mess cleaned itself up!

DG sang softly as she left her studio, "_Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down/In a most delightful way._"

----

"Why am I here?" wondered Glitch as he followed Az and DG through the crowded market place. "Ah, yes. I lost the bet."

The market place was a wild calliope of noise. The girls in order to shop in peace, and not be mobbed by the adoring or in some cases hateful throng, had put up a disguising glamour on themselves and Ambrose. Today, he was the designated bag boy.

Raw had found some pressing ambassadorial duty that just had to be preformed. And Cain had flat out refused. So, he was stuck with carrying their many purchases. He was disappointed in DG. Sometimes, she could be very girly.

DG pulled her sister to a stop and stared in frank amazement at the sight of a man wearing one of those one band man contraptions; a drum, cymbals, and harmonica all stuck together as his hands were busy with a concertina.

The younger princess was suddenly thrust back into a memory.

_Three months after she first arrived in Kansas, DG Gale was not assimilating well. She didn't know any of the things the other children did, neither common knowledge or childhood games. For the first time in her life she was having trouble making friends. _

_She and her parents had gone to the market in their old truck for their weekly shopping and dancing around the parking lot was a young man, British by his voice, making clever little songs about the patrons. _

_Then the wind changed. The man stopped and cocked an ear to the sky as if listening for something. _

_DG followed suit. She could hear the world come to a slow halt and hold its breath. _

_She felt herself whispering along with the one man band, "Winds in the east, mist coming in/ Like somethin' is brewin' and bout to begin…"_

And now in this time and in this place DG found herself mouthing the words once more, "_Can't put me finger on what lies in store/ But I fear what's to happen all happened before_."

"Deej, what's the matter?" Az asked with a frown.

DG grinned, "Nothing. Just got to go say hi to an old friend."

"Hello Bert," DG said to the positively gob smacked street busker.

Bert blinked at her.

Ambrose caught up with Az and nudged the elder princesses shoulder. "What's going on?"

Azkadelia shrugged.

"As I live and breathe, DG Gale," Bert's cockney voice went up in surprise. He smiled widely and gave as sweeping a bow that was possible if you had a large drum strapped to your stomach. "Or should I say Princess DG o' the House of Gale?"

"It is actually," DG put her hands on her hips and gave the man an exasperated look. "How, did you know that back on Earth? I didn't even know. How, are you here? In the O.Z.?"

Bert smiled fondly at the girl, "Always, with the question…you 'aven't changed."

"Neither have you," she paused as something occurred to her. "You haven't changed at all. In fact it looks like you haven't aged a day."

Bert shrugged, "Me family always did age graceful like."

DG sighed. "You never were one for the explanations." She scanned the sky, "Where do you think she'll land."

"You remember her? Most of her children forget," Bert's eyes were intent.

"I was never most children."

Bert laughed, "Now that is true." Bert scanned the sky. "There she is!"

A prim figure held aloft by an umbrella could just be seen descending into the one of Central Cities better districts.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" exclaimed DG.

"Supercali….what?" Ambrose said from somewhere on her left. "That's not even a word."

----

"Mary Poppins is here in the O.Z." DG announced that night at the dinner table.

Henry's mouth hung open a little, "She is?"

"Are you sure?" Emily all but gasped.

DG nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I saw Bert at the marketplace. And I saw herself touch ground."

"Who's this Mary person you're so excited about anyway?" Azkadelia wondered.

"My nanny," there was an odd undercurrent of pride in her voice.

"Nanny?" Lurline raised a brow at Emily.

Emily waved a breezy hand in the air, "We didn't even hire the woman."

"She just showed up," Henry added.

Ahamo gave the almost giddy DG a considering look, "From your reaction I can tell that she was something special."

Special? Oh yes. "I think she's magic."

Lurline gave her youngest a considering look, "Magic. On the Other Side?"

DG took some mashed potatoes onto her fork, "She can fly around with an umbrella. That's a pretty good clue."

"Funny, when she was with us, we noticed she was odd. But, that's it." Henry said thoughtfully.

"Mary Poppins did so help DG when we first got to Kansas," Emily anxiously told the woman who'd commissioned her.

Ahamo smiled, "Why don't you invite this paragon over DG. Have a nice visit."

At that DG's smiled widened.

----

Mary Poppins read the glossy, gold filigreed note in astonishment. Not that she'd ever admit to such an emotion. Normally, when she left her charges forgot her. She supposed if any would remember it would be the lost princess. The girl had been a deep well of magic…

"What is it Mary?" asked PhineasHe was a small boy with nut brown hair and a crooked smile.

Her current charges were the new mayor of Central City. Dennis Ban, a man who had lost his wife a few years back. He was a good mayor but, he was neglecting his children

"An invitation," Mary said briskly, "To take tea with the princesses."

Little Deana's eyes widened in astonishment. "Really?"

Mary Poppins sniffed, "I would think my telling something is cause enough for you to believe it."

"We believe you, Mary," Deana assured her.

The nanny's stern countenance softened imperceptibly. "We must see that you're well turned out."

Phineas looked up with a startled grin, "We're going too?"

Deana rolled her eyes. Her brother had the biggest crush on Princess DG.

Mary Poppins nodded briskly, "If you finish your studies and wash behind your ears."

"Yes miss," said the children dutifully.

"Spit spot! Off to bed!" Mary ordered.

----

Cain wondered why he was here. At first he had demurred when DG had excitedly (bubbling like an overfed brook) had rounded up him, Glitch and Raw to go to a tea party. DG hated tea parties. She knew that he hated tea parties. She even knew that Raw hated tea in general.

Then she had used her princess voice and ordered him to come. It seemed to be real important to her that her friends and her sister meet her old nanny. He hadn't a clue why.

"Mary Poppins and her charges Mr. Phineas and Miss. Deana Ban," announced a footman with a booming voice.

A woman with a ramrod straight back, rosy cheeks, and black hair, she came with two small children who looked as though they couldn't believe their eyes.

"Your highness," Mary Poppins gave DG a stiff little curtsy.

DG grinned, "Mary Poppins, I knew it was you when the wind changed."

"Excuse me princess," said Deana in a small awed voice. "But, how do you know Mary Poppins?"

"She was my nanny, once upon a time." DG smiled at the children.

"This is my sister Azkadelia."

Az gave the nanny a graceful nod.

"And these are my friends," DG continued. "Ambrose Regent."

Glitch gave a little wave.

"Raw son of Rawl."

A nod.

"And Wyatt Cain," DG pulled the Tin Man over to shake hands with the little women.

She looked normal enough, Cain supposed; but, there was something in those dark little eyes that looked right through you.

Mary gave DG, her sister, and DG's friends considering looks. With a sharp nod to herself she pulled something out of her pocket.

DG laughed softly. The Measuring Tape! How could she have forgotten that?

"Line up," came Mary's chirped order.

DG all but yanked a protesting Cain to stand by her and she made 'hurry up' motions. Incredulous glances were exchanged.

Phineas and Deana giggled and helped themselves to the large heaping of pastries on the tea table.

First, the nanny measured a bemused Raw. To his and nearly everyone else's surprise she spoke to him in his native language.

"Raw working on it," The viewer said sheepishly.

DG and the Ban children weren't at all surprised.

"What did she say?" Ambrose whispered to his friend.

Raw folded his arms, "Not Glitch's business.

Glitch rolled his eyes," Fine. Be that way." Mary Poppins came in front of him next.

"Brilliant and bumbling. Well, I suppose one out of two isn't bad," Mary said in a considering tone. "Close your mouth please, Ambrose, we are not a codfish."

Azkadelia fidgeted. She never fidgeted; her ingrained royal pose wouldn't allow it.

"'Afraid of the dark' I shouldn't let that bother you," Mary Poppins said briskly. "After all, you carry a light in side you. You only need to remember it."

Azkadelia bit her lower lip, "Thank you?"

"Also, 'Persistent." Mary nodded. "You'll do."

Az felt absurdly pleased at this.

Wyatt Cain loomed over the petite caregiver with an expression of complete bafflement. What was the point of this?

"Suicidaly brave and giving to brooding," Mary intoned and tisked in disapproval.

Cain did not feel he deserved the hysterical giggling of his so called friends.

Then Mary came to DG, "Jeopardy Friendly."

Cain smirked. That was DG all over.

DG pouted good naturedly. It was the same as when she was nine.

"And what Miss Poppins, is your measure," Ambrose asked.

Mary Poppins smiled and measured herself, "Just as I suspected. Mary Poppins, practically perfectly in every way."

As Azkadelia and the boys goggled at this proclamation a dog that was not Toto ran into the parlor and began to bark.

"Calm down. I can't understand a word you're saying, Barnaby." Mary said patiently.

The dog, a mixed lab, barked slower.

"She can speak dog," Cain asked, cocking an eye at the prim lady seriously listening to the dog.

Phineas popped up with, "She's Mary Poppins!"

"I think she speaks every language," DG said thoughtfully.

"Oh, dear…not again," Mary murmured.

_They had ended up visiting her Uncle Albert…who had a condition. They had ended up having a tea party on the ceiling. Later, that month Glitch and Az went on an adventure in the Central City Museum of Art. They popped into many a masterpiece. _

_Just before the wind changed there was an incident involving a bird woman and a plethora of dancing chimneysweeps._

"So, you gonna leave them without saying goodbye?" DG asked leaning against her motorcycle as the nanny left the mayor's house.

Mary Poppins did not look the least surprised to see the princess. "I don't do that."

"It must get lonely," DG said softly.

Mary blinked at her, "Lonely?"

"Practically perfect people never permit sentiment to muddle their thinking. That's what you said…" DG trailed off at Mary's off look.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean," Mary Poppins snapped.

DG shook her head in bemusement. "Of course, you don't. But…"

Mary lifted a brow, "Yes."

"Not all of us forget you. And we miss you when you go," DG said softly.

Mary unfurled her umbrella. As she lifted into the air DG could see that her eyes were suspiciously bright.

DG watched her until she disappeared over the horizon, "I wonder how Az feels about kites?"

* * *

Jeopardy Friendly is what the Doctor calls Rose Tyler. 


	2. The First Doctor

The year was 1939 and Dorothy Gale was home. It was exactly the same, the golden fields of wheat, the endless skies, and peaceful farms. She had fought so hard to come back; to her quiet life, to Auntie Em and Uncle Henry.

When she had gotten back she'd been so happy, so grateful; but, now that some time had passed… The problem Dorothy decided was not Kansas, home had not changed. The problem was that she had changed.

She tried not thinking about the place that the tornado had taken her, she'd even tried not thinking about the friends she'd made there. She, especially, tried not to think about the pair of impossible silver slippers that were stored safely in the bottom of the trunk at the end of her bed.

"Dorothy," Auntie Em called, "It's time for breakfast."

"Coming!" Dorothy called. She looked at the small dog that sat on top her pillow. Even Toto was different. His eyes gleamed with undoglike intelligence. "Let's try and stay out of trouble just this once."

Toto ran into her waiting arms. She paused and looked out the window. Dorothy tried not to _know_ things ever since she had gotten back. However, average was somewhat beyond her these days.

"A storm is coming."

----

Dorothy Gale was having another argument with Miss. Myra Gulch. Myra was a tall thin pointy woman who Dorothy veritably did not get on with. The spinster was vocal in her dislike of the girl.

"I realize that having a dog jump up on you might be startling," Dorothy said with a sigh.

Myra Gulch eyed the girl suspiciously. The Gale girl had always been uncanny with those wide watching electric blue eyes that looked right down into your bones. Ever since the tornado she'd been even stranger. Gone was the child petulance whenever she didn't get her own way, it had been replaced by an almost…regal composure.

"I aught to have that animal shot," grumbled Myra.

Dorothy raised an inquisitive brow, "Miss Gulch, why is it that you dislike my dog so much? The town's full of dogs and yet mine is the only one you've seen fit to threaten."

"I don't know what you mean." Myra sputtered.

How could I have ever been afraid of this woman for so many annuals? Dorothy wondered. Years, I mean years.

"Excuse me, might one of you ladies direct me to the local mechanic," said an unexpectedly British voice.

Dorothy tasted lightning in the air and slowly turned to look.

It was an old man with snowy white hair, frail-looking but wiry and tough as an old turkey.

"Who are you?" Myra demanded.

The man took in the women's suspicious expression in stride, "I'm the Doctor."

Dorothy fought off a wave of dizziness. _'You'll never be the same,' She heard Glinda's voice in her ear. 'You've walked through fire and water. Dorothy, you will see the unseen and know the unknowable.'_ She shook off the memory.

"Doctor who? Of what?" Miss. Myra Gulch did not like the looks of this old man.

"Just the Doctor, The definitive article you might say. And as to what…why everything under the stars!" proclaimed the Doctor.

"I suppose you think you're very clever," Myra asked snidely.

The Doctor smiled congenially, "Well, without any undue modesty, yes!"

Dorothy swallowed down both a laugh and a memory. He reminded of another old man for a moment…the laugh dried up. This one really was 'great and terrible.'

"And now that I've introduce myself, it is only polite that you do likewise," the Doctor said with a nod.

"Myra Gulch," Myra said sullenly.

Dorothy smiled uncertainly, "Dorothy Gale."

Sharp eyes fell on her and Dorothy resisted the urge to fidget. "I don't suppose you'd escort an old man to his destination." He looked at her and he _knew_ her.

Dorothy resigned opened up all that she had been repressing: _fire and ice /__the night and the storm in the heart of the sun / ancient and forever / burns at the center of time / can_ _see the turn of the universe / wonderful._"Yes."

As the Doctor held out a gentlemanly arm for her to take Dorothy felt as if she'd passed some kind of test.

She took his arm and they started off leaving a red faced Myra. Myra hated being dismissed. "Your aunt and uncle will hear about this!" Myra threatened.

"I'm sure their expecting it," Dorothy called over her shoulder.

"Tell me about yourself. As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves," the Doctor asked.

"I'm fourteen years old and I live with my aunt and uncle on a farm," Dorothy said promptly. "I have a dog. His name is Toto."

The Doctor's expression soured. "That's not everything. You, Dorothy Gale are far more interesting then that."

Dorothy considered, "I could tell you a story—most people wouldn't believe it. But, then your not most people are you?"

The old man's eyes twinkled.

"The story starts with a tornado and a land with two suns under the thrall of a wicked witch." She eyed him for his reaction; he made a go ahead gesture with a slight tilt of his chin. "In it I meet a scarecrow." She could see in her mind's eye Padrig Regent tied to a pole trying to scare off some crows with sarcastic comments; "A tin woodsman," Eli Cain in cobbled together tin armor fighting of the witch's henchmen; "And a cowardly lion," Ra-ry, the gentle viewer chased by ravenousness beasts in the dark forest."

"They sound like good friends," the Doctor said gently.

Dorothy could still see their faces when she told them she was leaving and she felt tears well up. She blinked them away, "The very best."

They arrived at the mechanic and she watched the Doctor negotiate for a part and the ensuing confusion when it was discovered that the only currency he had on him was gold doubloons.

"You're not what you seem either," Dorothy said as they wandered down the sleepy afternoon sun lit streets.

"Mm? What's that, my girl?" The Doctor asked blinking at her.

Dorothy laughed. "Fine. Don't tell me your story…it's already so long and just begun," she said the last part dreamily.

The Doctor looked at her penetratingly, "How do you know that?"

"I just do." She really didn't want to go into the hows and whys.

There it stood between the mercantile and the barber shop, a tall blue box with the words 'Police Public Call Box' confusingly written on the top. They came to a stop before its doors.

Hesitantly, Dorothy touched the door; it was like riding the tornado again if only the tornado was time and space whirling together and star and planets were whirling around in an insane waltz.

Shaken, she pulled her hand away like it was burned. Bizarrely, she thought of silver slippers just waiting…

The Doctor eyed her shrewdly. "If you could touch the alien sand, and hear the cry of strange birds, and watch them wheel in another sky, would that satisfy you?"

"I've done that," Dorothy whispered. "At the time I'll I wanted was too come back. And now…I'm different."

"Everyone who travels comes back different," He paused. "Maybe, you have unfinished business somewhere over the rainbow."

Dorothy smiled at the wording and considered. They really hadn't wanted her to go. Once again she contemplated shoes.

She shook hands with the Doctor. Dorothy smiled, "I'll see you down the road."

* * *

Included in this fic are quotations from the first Doctor; I'll leave it to you my readers to discover them.

Yes, Padrig Regent, Eli Cain and Ra-ry are the guy's ancestors.


	3. The President of the Galaxy

"Let's go somewhere," said Princess DG of the O.Z. Currently, the savior of the world and her royal bodyguard were at a ball. To be precise it was the annual 'Win-kia Corn Ball.' No really. There were golden cornucopias filled to the brim with corn. And yards of gold and green bunting and later they were going to burn a scarecrow like they did images of Guy Fawkes in England. Supposedly, it would make the crops grow better…DG who was still thought of herself at least in some measure as a farm girl was of the opinion that the custom was agriculturally wrong.

Thus far the best part of the evening was the moment that Wyatt Cain had gapped and stammered. She had designed the dress herself and getting the seamstresses to actually make it been a major pain in the ass. But, the effect had been more than worth it. It was a sheath dress that came down in handkerchief points. A top layer of translucent silvery blue over midnight blue, it was held up by two skinny silver straps that kept falling down her creamy shoulders.

DG had gone so far as to spin slowly in a circle to give the full effect. It was a backless dress. It had taken the Tin Man exactly five minutes to throttle his composer and to make it stay put. He had even _blushed; _a deep flush that had traveled up from his pale cheeks to his equally pale ears. Wyatt had been so flustered that he couldn't even make any disapproving comments. Sometimes he was_ so_ easy.

Wyatt Cain, Tin Man, Knight of the Realm and head of the Royal Protection Detail gave his charge a wary look. That mischievous tone of voice nearly always promised trouble and by the way glassy look in her eyes he just knew that she was bored. A bored mischievous DG was a jeopardy friendly DG and he'd end up chasing after her.

Tonight there had been the shock of the dress and a profusion of pale skin. One of these days she was going to start a riot.

Cain had been pleased at the way DG's eyes widened when she saw him. He was not a man given to vanity but, he knew full well that he cleaned up good. And that the princess had thought so too was more than gratifying.

"Where'd you have in mind?" he asked cautiously.

"Australia!" she beamed at him.

Cain knowing his own weaknesses did not look into her eyes…if he did he'd be lost. "I've never heard of it."

She absently removed imaginary lint from his collar. "It's a country on Earth. I've always wanted to go."

Wyatt ignored the tingles her small hand was leaving in its wake, "And how do you plan to get there?"

"A travel storm!" DG said with a happy smile.

A what! His blood pressure went up. What was that mutt teaching her?

"Come on Cain. Do you remember the hours we spent listening to Glitch practice his speech? Do you really want to hear it again?" DG pleaded.

Yeah, he did remember all of those painful hours listening to Ambrose go on and on and on about corn and the people who grew corn. Cain now knew more about corn than he had ever wanted too. It was nearly enough to put him off the vegetable for life. He was sorely tempted. "Kiddo, do you have any idea what your mother would do to me if I let you leave the O.Z.?"

The princess pulled out the big guns and looked up at him with glistening morning glory blue eyes, "I want to go somewhere I've never been, and I'd like to go with you."

Cain's heart beat painfully for a moment and it was with real regret that he said, "No."

DG pouted.

Wyatt struggled not to look at her quivering pink bottom lip.

A shadow fell over the two. DG looked up and her eyes widened…well they went even wider then they usually were and that's saying something.

Cain looked up and his brow furrowed.

The man who stood before them had to be the worst dressed sentient being in the universe. He was handsome in a bearded, blond floppy haired sort of way with wild eyes and the outfit…oh gods the outfit; a gold lamé shirt with ruffles, paired with a burgundy suit that would have had the most indifferent to fashion crying out for his execution for crimes against haute couture.

"Hey!" His voice was possibly the most annoying Cain had ever heard. Also, he was looking at DG like she was made of chocolate cake. "Is this guy boring you?" the stranger continued. "Why don't you come talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet. Seriously!" he let out an obnoxious (to Cain's ears) laugh.

Wyatt sourly noted DG's giggling.

"You want to see my spaceship?"

That's when Cain reached for his gun. Damn it. The seamstresses had confiscated it for the evening. They said it ruined the lines of his suit.

That's when the stranger took note of the Tin Man who was steadily glowering at him over DG's head.

"Love the hat fella," the cretin (as Wyatt mentally called him) said in what he thought to be a complementary tone.

"Who are you?" DG's voice hovered on the edge of hysterical laughter.

Cain took a menacing step forward, "Do you have an invitation?" Wyatt hoped not. That way he could bodily throw the idiot out.

"I don't need no invitation baby! I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, the President of the Galaxy!" Zaphod Beeblebrox proclaimed proudly.

He took in the two blank expressions in front of him and felt the need to elaborate, "I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat inside me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."

"Okay," DG said finally after a moment. Who was she to disbelieve anything given the way her life turned out?

Cain rolled his eyes. More space people. They seemed to follow the princess home like lost puppies…lost un-housebroken puppies.

"This is Wyatt Cain," DG said for the surly bodyguard. "And I'm DG…"

"Princess of the O.Z." finished Cain. He wanted to make it absolutely clear that she was off limits.

Zaphod proving once again the validity of his opposition in the race for president platform of 'Don't Vote for Stupid' sauntered up to DG grabbed her hand spun her around, dipped her and said, "Hey baby, what say we trip the light fantastic? Just you and me."

Wyatt Cain did not have much in common with the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal what with being a ridiculously attractive bipedal mammal and the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal being a hideously ugly reptile. They did have one thing in common; the same enraged expression could be found on the face of both.

Zaphod caught the expression and started with fear and his blood seemed to turn to liquid helium. "Belgium. I shoulda remembered to bring my towel," he murmured.

Fortunately for the erstwhile President of the Galaxy a voice interrupted his emanate demise. Alright, that's a bit of an exaggeration. Wyatt Cain did not as a practice kill, the men who had the bad judgment and the good taste to ogle the princess, he just really felt like it some days.

The interrupting voice was vaguely British. Also, it sounded really incredibly depressed as if nothing had ever gone right in its life and it didn't hold out any hope as to its getting better, "I've calculated your chance of survival, but I don't think you'll like it," the voice came from a small loosely humanoid form with a big…really big head. It was blindingly white all over save for some black trim and largish triangular green eyes. The big head hung over as if the feat of looking up was too much.

Zaphod rolled his eyes, "Don't be such a downer Marvin! You're supposed to be my wingman and help me pick up chicks with your adorably roly-poly…ness."

Marvin looked as affronted as was possible for a small robot with an oversized head to look. Adorable…what a depressing thought.

"Who are you?" DG asked her heart going out to the little guy.

"You don't really care. Nobody really cares," said the morose automaton.

"Oh don't mind him. That's just Marvin; he's a manically depressed robot," Zaphod as always when attention was directed away from his person did the verbal equivalent of jumping up and down like a four year old on a sugar high.

Marvin blinked his optics at the princess and the Tin Man who were staring at him in puzzlement. "You can blame the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation for making androids with GPP..."

"Um... what's GPP?" Wyatt finally managed. Sweet Ozma! The little guy was making him feel dejected just standing there.

"Genuine People Personalities. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you...?" The little droid glared half heartedly at his audience, "I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed."

DG's ever warm heart went out to the robot. She had a soft spot for mechanical people ever since she'd gotten over the shock of learning that two out of her four parents were robots. "Life can't be that bad, can it?"

"Life? Don't talk to me about life!" The small robot chose that moment to sit down on the marble floor and sulk.

DG smiled at Marvin and Marvin felt unfamiliar warmth creep its way into the vicinity of his central processor. He didn't like it.

"Oh don't listen to that little un-froody automaton!" Zaphod danced around DG like a crazed martinet whose strings were held by Ambrose in one of his glitchier moments. "Look at me! I've got two heads!" At that his other recently recovered head popped up and leared at DG. "Hey, there pretty lady," said this other head.

DG shuddered and took three steps away from the visiting foreign dignitary.

Zaphod took note of her grossed out expression and used his third arm to shove his other head back down.

"I wouldn't be too flattered by his attentions highness," Marvin said contemplating the ground. "He's on the rebound."

This revelation had Cain giving Zaphod the smug look of a man who had not been dumped. Never you mind that he wasn't really in a relationship.

"I'm not on the rebound!" Zaphod protested. "That would reply that I cared that the little faithless man eater left me. And I don't." It was true Zaphod Beeblebrox's girlfriend and vice president Questular Rontok had indeed left him. The erstwhile president had awoken alone one morning with a 'Dear Relnac' letter pinned to the other pillow. She'd actually used the 'Its not you, its me speech,' which anyone can tell you really means, 'Of course its you, you idiot.'"

Questular was now engaged to marry a…he could barely think it without getting sick…an accountant. She hadn't even dumped him for someone of singular froopy-ness. If she had dumped him for a Time Lord or an angst ridden heroic vampire or a pretty red headed female witch or you know… Jack Harkness, Zaphod might have been able to forgive her. But the woman had chosen a number pusher over the uber froodness that was Zaphod Beeblebrox and so would never be off his 'List of People that Really Cheese me Off.' She even bested Humma Kavula for the top spot on said list.

The aftermath had involved copiously large amounts of ice cream, many Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters (the best drink in the universe) and a funny movie marathon. And when that didn't work he took Arthur (yes, he knew the earthman's name, Zaphod only pretended not too because Arthur would make the cutest faces when annoyed, like a rabid chipmunk) up on his offer of some tea. Tea it turned out really was all that.

And so fortified by tea he once again braved the harsh universe and went on a search for love or baring that a really good shag.

That was why he stood between a manically depressed robot and a stoic Tin Man trying to garner the attention of a princess with whom he had no chance with. "Come on, princess. I'll show you the galaxy; excitement, adventure, and really wild things," he grinned showing all of his teeth.

DG could hold it in no longer. She laughed long and hard.

At the sound of her hearty (like the tinkling bells in a storm) laughter, Cain found it in him to smile. Her laughter had that effect on him.

"It sounds like fun. But—" DG gave Cain a sideways glance from out of the corner of her bluer than sky eyes. "I already have all those things here."

_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book and this is what it has to say on the subject of True Love and the OTP: Avoid, if at all possible. _

_OTP, explains the Book, stands for the One True Pairing; a couple who are destined come hell, high water, or emergency tax audit to be together. You can tell a person or persons who are involved in such a way: _

_They have seemingly insurmountable obstacles that bar the way to their inevitable union. Such as an age difference, a difference in social status or death. The last isn't as great an impediment as one would think. _

_They have the regrettable distinction of having a Destiny. A Destiny can be something of great significance like saving the world or something small and seemly inconsequential such as working as an assistant for a fashion magazine._

_They are both really incredibly stubborn. Not just a little strong minded but, irresistible force meets immovable object. Something has got to give._

_The Book goes on explain how trying to involve yourself in the middle of such a relationship is the act of someone who is tired of life. As the Powers That Be will fight for their Ship and they have no problems at all with crushing you like the pathetic home breaker you are._

Unfortunately, Zaphod Beeblebrox has never read those sections in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Zaphod had always stuck to those chapters that pointed out the galaxies best bars. If he had read those chapter dealing with the OTP he wouldn't have been so very disappointed with life. Also, he would have spent a lot less time in the medbay.

The musicians started playing a waltz. Wyatt Cain smiled at DG.

"Do you want ta dance, princess?" He gave an elegant bow.

Forgetting both the President of the Galaxy and the manically depressed robot DG gave a marginally awkward curtsy and moved into his arms.

Zaphod glared at Cain's back and rallied himself. Faint heart never won fair lady and all that… "Did I mention that it's got a 'Improbability Drive?" He chased after the dreamily dancing couple.

Marvin sighed, "This will all end in tears."

* * *

In the movie of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Trillian was played by none other than our girl Zooey Deschanel.

Towels are the most useful object in the universe. DG would have been much better off if she'd brought her towel when she jumped into that tornado.

Froody is an intergalactic slang for cool.

Relnac is the most common male name in the galaxy and not Jayne as popular opinion supposes.

Belgium. In some parts of the universe this is the most foul of curse words and not a small European country.

According to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the best drink in the known universe is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. It has the effect of having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped around a large gold brick.

Shout out to Betty Suarez!


End file.
